Applying the Enneagram to Transform Your Marriage “Dance”Jun 06, 2019
Hi, Friends. It’s Jeff McCord, aka husband to Beth. You may not know me yet, as I mostly work behind the scenes of Your Enneagram Coach, but helping and watching Beth shine in her coaching calling is one of the greatest joys of my life! This is the first time I’ve appeared on the blog, so here’s a little background on my journey.
My story is one of profound transformation and redemption. Soon after becoming a believer as a high-school junior, the Lord placed a deep burden on my heart to dedicate my life to seeing the whole Gospel of Jesus Christ impact the whole person. I pursued seminary as well as certifications in pastoral counseling, family and church mediation, and Gospel coaching. I’ve been a Pastor of Ministries and Discipleship for several churches and organizations over the last 22 years. Oh, and in the midst of all that, I married my wonderful wife, Beth, and raised a couple of amazing kids, Nate and Libby!
Our Enneagram Transformation
But let me back up even further and tell you more about how the Enneagram has specifically impacted my life, family and ministry. Beth and I got married at the ripe age of 20 while we were both college students. Full of optimism and dreams for the future, we were totally sure we’d easily have a happy and fulfilling marriage. It makes us laugh (and cringe a little) to think about naive we were, and all that we had to learn over the next 24 years.
As you can imagine, it didn’t take long for problems to arise in our relationship. We just couldn’t fathom how we could be dealing with so much turbulence when our dating life was so rich and fun. There’s always friction when you put two personalities with different perspectives, backgrounds, and interests together, and we quickly felt disappointed, anxious and resentful. We simply didn’t understand ourselves, let alone each other, so we spent the next few years hitting the same relational walls over and over again.
By our fourth year of marriage, we were completely frustrated, ashamed, and desperate. As long-time Christians, we knew the Gospel story in our heads, but we weren’t experiencing the freedom and fullness we knew we already had in Christ.
Enter the Enneagram! We first approached it not as a pastor and coach, but as a husband and wife who desperately needed it. In fact, Beth studied the Enneagram for five years before I ever started investigating it for myself (Let that be an encouragement to all you wives with husbands who aren’t on board the Enneagram train just yet!).
Once we both fully invested ourselves in the Enneagram, we gained so much clarity, not only about our own personalities (Beth is a Type 9, I’m a Type 6), but also about how our Core Motivations impact our relationship dynamics. We finally had a tool to reveal what was going on inside ourselves, and we began to understand one another on a much deeper level. Everything was making more sense, which allowed our hearts to rest. Over the next several years, as we used the Enneagram to grow in understanding and compassion for one another, our walks with the Lord and our marriage transformed.
Beth and I founded Your Enneagram Coach with the mission of helping people see themselves with astonishing clarity, so they can break free from self-condemnation, fear, and shame through the unconditional love, forgiveness and freedom in Christ. The Lord has blessed our ministry beyond what we ever could have imagined, and we’ve been so humbled and blown away watching it grow over the last couple of years.
Our Heart for Marriage
Though our relationship isn’t perfect today, we’ve learned how to avoid the ruts we kept hitting in the early days, and how to extend more kindness, forgiveness and grace for one another. That’s why we’re investing this season of our lives into showing you how to apply a Gospel-Centered Enneagram in your marriage.
In the coming months and years, Beth and I are going to be teaming up to show husbands and wives how to grow into the couple God designed them to be. In other words, we’re taking all the Gospel and Enneagram knowledge we wish we had 20 years ago, and bringing it together for you! We’ll look at the relational dynamics, or as we like to call it, “the dance,” of all 45 Enneagram Type couple combinations, and how to align it with the truth of the Gospel.
Our heart is to show couples in every season and of all personalities how to better communicate, resolve conflict, and support one another, transforming their marriage into the relationship of their dreams. We’re carrying out this mission in multiple ways, and we want you to be part of it.
- Follow Along on Social: Follow along on Instagram as we dedicate the next several series to all things marriage. We’ll be giving insight into the relational styles of each Type, and how every couple combination can better understand, love and serve one another.
- Tune in to the Blog: Check in regularly to this blog, as we dig even deeper into the ways we can transform relationships, setting the foundation for a thriving marriage for years to come.
- Join us for an Enneagram Date Night: This summer, Beth and I will be hosting Becoming Us Live: The Enneagram, The Gospel & Your Marriage around the country for couples who want to use a Gospel-centered Enneagram to understand each other better. We’ll be stopping in Chicago, Charlotte, Austin, Atlanta, Nashville and more. You can get all the details and purchase tickets here.
- Pre-order our Marriage Book: We’re excited, humbled, and a little nervous to be launching our very first book, Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage. Not only does in include our marriage story, but it’s written to serve as an instruction manual for your spouse. It would mean the world to us if you would be part of our mission to impact marriages by spreading the word as it releases on October 1. You can preorder your copy here.
- Take a Marriage Course Just For Your Types: We’re developing 45 different marriage coaching courses so each couple type combination will have its own specific curriculum. (Whoa!) The courses will launch this summer, so stay tuned.
- Invest in Your Marriage with a Becoming Us Retreat: Beth and I are hosting an intimate 3-day retreat in November. Our goal for the retreat is to pour into you and your spouse and catapult your marriage to the next level. We really hope you’ll join us for this special experience. Sign up to get early access to the details.
If you find yourself falling into the same unhealthy marital struggles year after year, or if there are dynamics and habits that you’re ready to be free of, we’re here for you. You’re ready to grow into the couple God designed you to be, and Beth and I want to walk with you every step of the way!
I’m fired up thinking about YOU, and all that’s possible in your relationship! I believe God has an amazing plan and purpose for your marriage. Beth and I are praying that all our story and our message will lead you to understanding, hope, and freedom, as an individual and in your most intimate relationship with your spouse. And as you grow, we can’t wait to see the ripple effect your legacy has on your family, circle of influence, and the kingdom of God.
Are you new to the Enneagram? If so, welcome! A great first step in your journey is to discover your Type with our new, free test. We also offer 3-step online courses to help you dig deeper into the Enneagram for lasting spiritual growth and renewal. Our team also offers private coaching for individuals, families and teams.
For more Gospel-centered insights on The Enneagram, follow us on Instagram @yourenneagramcoach
We would love to share some free Enneagram resources with you.